


Sense of Family

by emdaro



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Narcissa Black Malfoy, Black Family, Black Family (Harry Potter), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, POV Narcissa Black Malfoy, Pureblood Culture, Pureblood Society, Purebloods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 09:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11688396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emdaro/pseuds/emdaro
Summary: Narcissa Malfoy had always felt a powerful sense of family. It had been ingrained in her, from the moment she was old enough to talk. She absorbed the Black family history with a feeling of pride. There were times in her life where Narcissa felt her sense of family running through her, as though it was coursing through her veins alongside her blood.





	Sense of Family

Narcissa Malfoy had always felt a powerful sense of family. It had been ingrained in her, from the moment she was old enough to talk. She absorbed the Black family history with a feeling of pride. There were times in her life where Narcissa felt her sense of family running through her, as though it was coursing through her veins alongside her blood. 

One of her earliest memories was of the birth of Sirius, her cousin named for the brightest star in the sky. She remembered holding tightly to her father as they stepped into the fireplace and the flames erupting around her as they shot into Number 12, Grimmauld Place. “Sirius.” She heard Uncle Orion tell her father proudly. It was a boy then. A new baby was always something to celebrate but she knew that a boy was a special cause for joy. She didn’t quite understand it, being only four years old, but she had heard Mother and Father talking about how they hoped Auntie Walburga was having a boy so the family would have an heir. She had asked Father about it later. He had explained that in their family, everyone had a role. Narcissa and her sisters were to marry the right people and have children, to keep the bloodline pure. A son would have to manage the family wealth and marry the sort of woman worthy of carrying on the Black name. Andromeda, Bellatrix, and her had climbed up the stairs and into the bedroom, where Auntie Walburga and Sirius were resting. Narcissa hadn’t been allowed to hold him but she had stared at him when Andromeda was holding him. He was sleeping, his skin all pink and wild black hair covering his head. Narcissa couldn’t imagine a little thing like him being the heir to the entire Black fortune and name. But everyone else seemed transfixed. Narcissa remembered it as one of the two times she saw Auntie Walburga smile. The other was when Regulus was born, just two years later. Little did Narcissa know that it would be one of the few times her sense of family made her feel happy.

The next time Narcissa keenly felt her sense of family wasn’t until many years later. Sirius was starting Hogwarts. She was sitting at the Slytherin table, next to Lucius Malfoy. Lucius’ new Prefect badge was gleaming against his black robes and she felt important, sitting with him. Her father had sat her down that summer and explained to her that he would like for her to pursue a friendship with Lucius. She wasn’t sure why, but from the knowing look Bellatrix had shot her she developed a suspicion. The wink her mother had sent her way as Lucius approached her on the platform earlier that day to ask if she wanted to find a compartment together almost confirmed it. That night, she was impatient to hear Sirius’ name called. She glanced down the table at Andromeda and found her sister not paying attention to the Sorting, but looking at the Hufflepuff table. She shrugged and turned back to the Sorting. It was a big deal, when a member of the Black family joined Slytherin house. She and Sirius had become very close, once Bella and Andromeda were away at Hogwarts. She was excited to show him the castle, to help him with his classes, to have her cousin back. Bellatrix had never wanted much to do with Sirius when he was a baby and Andromeda was never the most family oriented. Narcissa happily took up the role of doting cousin. She could remember Sirius crying the first time she left for Hogwarts and now the day had arrived for him to join her. Auntie Walburga had explained to her that Sirius was becoming a lot to handle. He had started acting out a year or two ago and Walburga was hoping that Narcissa could help him. She was confident that once he started his classes and found the right friends he would be alright. Narcissa let out a small squeak of excitement as Sirius’ name was called and she could hear Lucius chuckle behind her. She paid him no attention, her heart speeding up as the hat was placed on Sirius’ head. It was there for what felt like hours, before the rip at the brim finally opened. 

“GRYFFINDOR!” It bellowed, causing a roar of cheers from the table farthest from Slytherin’s. Narcissa felt cold all over. She could hear whispering all along the Slytherin table, she could feel eyes on her. The first Black not to be sorted into Slytherin. She blinked, willing the tears in her eyes to go away. She looked down the table at Andromeda again. Andromeda was staring at the Gryffindor table, her expression unreadable. Narcissa looked back down at her lap, not raising her eyes until the Sorting was over. They were instantly drawn to Sirius. He had been joined by three other boys, one of whom was shoving his shoulder and laughing. Sirius didn’t look stricken, as she had expected him to. He looked surprised and maybe even a little…pleased. She quickly looked away, determinedly not at the empty space beside her that she had insisted upon saving. Two years later, she felt relief wash over her as Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. She didn’t even glance at Sirius as Regulus sat beside her.  


The next time was later that year, during the summer when Lucius came to call on her. He got down on one knee and asked him to marry her as they walked through the garden. She accepted. She wore the silver ring proudly to dinner that night, her hand clasped in Lucius’ as they ate. 

The next time was on one of the worst days of Narcissa’s life. Andromeda running away felt like a death in the family. Mother was taken ill immediately and did not leave her bed for weeks. Narcissa felt numb again, a thousand times worse than when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. Father had sat down with her once again and told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was not to contact Andromeda. She was not to read any letters Andromeda wrote her. She was to act as though her sister did not exist. Marrying a mudblood made her as good as dead to them. Narcissa nodded along, her mind a million miles away. Andromeda was always the sister Narcissa felt closer to. Bella was so wrapped up in her books and her politics. Narcissa had spent hours with Andromeda, from playing dolls when they were little to late night chats in the Slytherin common room. Narcissa felt hatred for the first time that day, towards Ted Tonks for stealing her sister away. For destroying her family. 

The time after that was a far happier occasion. Her wedding day was an extravagant affair, filled with members of pure blood society from both Britain and around the world. She didn’t care about any of that though. All she cared about was Lucius, waiting at the end of the aisle for her. Narcissa had always wanted to feel special. Bellatrix had been the smart one, she excelled in academics. She had married Rodolphus but Narcissa had the sneaking suspicion they’d never have children. They were too devoted to politics and serving their so-called master. Narcissa didn’t quite understand it. Andromeda had been the rebellious one even before she ran away. Narcissa had always felt simple compared to her sisters. She even looked different, with her fair hair and eyes. Her parents cared for her but didn’t pay her as much attention as the other two. Lucius was different. Even if he hadn’t been chosen for her, Narcissa suspected she would have wanted to marry him. He never raised his voice, he spoke to her with respect, and he showered her with attention. She knew there were couples that didn’t love each other but married because they had to. Narcissa felt incredibly lucky because she knew that Lucius and her genuinely loved each other. Narcissa felt as though her life was finally starting. She would finally have a house to run and in the near future, children to care for. As she walked down the aisle, she looked at the friends and family assembled. She chose not to dwell on her missing bridesmaid as her eyes flitted over Bellatrix or on the cold look Sirius was sending her. She instead focused on Lucius. He gave her an approving look and Narcissa smiled. She had realized ages ago she would never be the political fanatic Bellatrix was or the outright rebel like Andromeda, but she still had something to offer. Narcissa would be the best wife she could possibly be. 

After the wedding, Lucius led her into the manor and to his study. A man Narcissa had never met before was sitting there. She supposed he was handsome, but there was something off putting about his features. They were almost snakelike. They twisted into a smile so distorted that Narcissa suspected he wasn’t used to having one. She followed Lucius’ lead, curtsying when he bowed. The man introduced himself as Lord Voldemort and kissed Narcissa’s hand after offering congratulations on her wedding. His lips felt cold as ice, as though he was a corpse. Narcissa wanted to yank her hand back but refrained. He praised her family, calling Lucius and Bellatrix two of his most faithful lieutenants. Narcissa thanked him, calling him Master. It seemed like the thing to do. They departed quickly and returned to reception. As they walked back to their family and friends, Lucius spoke only of Lord Voldemort and his plans for purifying the Wizarding World. Narcissa nodded. She thought of Ted Tonks and Sirius’ insufferable friends, a blood traitor and two half-bloods. They had done nothing but cause problems for her family. They deserved to be punished. She hesitantly voiced those thoughts to Lucius and he rewarded her with a rare smile. Lord Voldemort could help with that, he promised her. He would punish them and everyone like them. She believed him. If Lucius and Bella were willing to follow this Lord Voldemort, she was too. Lucius warned her not to tell anyone of his visit, the Ministry was hunting for him and it would put them at risk. She agreed. She would never do anything to endanger her family.

The next two times were horrific, forever linked in Narcissa’s mind. Sirius being disowned crushed her. Her favorite cousin, the one who had once looked at her with borderline reverence, was taken as quickly as Andromeda had been. Narcissa felt personally responsible. She had let a stupid House rivalry prevent her from guiding Sirius, being the cousin she should have been. Had they ever even spoken at school? She had been three months pregnant when she heard the news. She collapsed into bed immediately as Lucius read the letter from Uncle Orion to her, pain wracking her body and blood staining the sheets beneath her. The Healer Lucius had brought to the house only confirmed what she already knew. Narcissa was no longer pregnant. She tried to speak to Bella about her guilt when her sister visited, but she was waved off. Bella called Sirius a traitor to the cause with a demented look on her face. Narcissa felt the urge to write Andromeda. Three more miscarriages followed and with each one, she could feel a piece of her die with them. She could sense Lucius’ disappointment, but he never voiced it to her. He remained gentle and caring, bringing in specialists from all around the world. Those were her darkest days.

Narcissa stopped seeing her friends after she heard during idle gossip that the blood traitor Weasleys had welcomed twins. She, in a moment of insanity following her fourth miscarriage, considered writing Molly Weasley to ask if she could take one of them off her hands. Blood lines be damned, Narcissa wanted a baby. She shut herself in the manor, her only company being the house elves and Lucius’ constant stream of visitors. She sat in on their meetings sometimes. They spoke of the war and Narcissa thought of her sister’s child with the mudblood, the Weasley’s five children. They deserved to be punished. She didn’t voice any of these opinions during the meetings she attended. Lucius knew what was best and she would support him. She had to focus on getting and staying pregnant.

Regulus’ death was followed by another miscarriage. Narcissa wondered how much her family would have to shrink before it could begin to grow. 

She became pregnant again just two months later but no excitement followed the news. She dully wondered when she would have to bury another box in the garden. 

She never had to. Draco was born in early June and all the pieces of Narcissa that died with each lost baby came back. She stared at Draco for ages, only allowing Lucius to hold him. With each breath her baby took, Narcissa felt her heart start to mend. She didn’t care about the fact that Lucius kept having to leave the room to talk to vaguely threatening men or when Bella visited, all she talked about was the war. Her baby was there and safe and that was all that mattered. She knew instantly that she would give up everything for him, her precious son. She would live in a shack in the woods as long as she had her baby. She was, however, thankful he was a boy. She would have been fine with a daughter but she knew Lucius wouldn’t have been, especially considering she could have no more children. The Malfoy name and fortune required an heir. She resolved then and there not to let Draco grow up like she had. He would have no governess. Narcissa could teach him all he needed to know, from proper etiquette to the family history. She would kiss him each night before bed and every morning when she first saw him. She knew Lucius wouldn’t do those things. Her father had hardly hugged Narcissa when she was married and her mother had done so only a bit more. Her Draco would grow up knowing he was loved. The cool demeanor Narcissa usually carried herself with broke away and she began to cry. Lucius wrapped an arm around her, a rare show of affection, and asked what was wrong. Narcissa could not speak. She could not tell him that she wept for Andromeda, the sister she always pictured chatting with while their children played. She wept for Sirius, the cousin she had picked as godfather before she was even married to Lucius. She wept for Regulus, the idol he would have been for Draco. She even wept for Bellatrix, for as much as she believed in the cause she hated that it seemed to be driving her sister mad. She allowed herself to cry for a bit longer, leaning against Lucius, then slowly sat up. She dried her eyes and took a deep breath. Those were the last tears she would shed for any of them. She had Lucius and Draco. She didn’t need anyone else. She had her family.

The war ended. Bellatrix and Rodolphus were arrested for torturing two Aurors. She didn’t feel a thing. The Bella from her youth who had told funny stories and shared secrets with Narcissa was gone. She had been for a long time. Lucius kept them out of trouble with a few lies and a few more well-placed bribes. She took care of Draco. Life went on. She found out a few weeks after the war ended that Sirius had been arrested. She went to Lucius in a panic, begging him to get Sirius out. She clutched at his robes, practically on her knees. She knew her cousin. He would have never betrayed Potter, not even if he was tortured. She knew Pettigrew had been the one to betray them even before Lucius admitted she was right. She pleaded with Lucius and it was one of the few times in their marriage he raised his voice to her. The answer was no. She went back to her son and tried to push the images of Sirius in Azkaban out of her mind.

Narcissa did not cry when things went wrong at the Ministry. She sat, her arms wrapped tightly around Draco, as Bellatrix laughed and laughed about killing Sirius. She finally snapped at Bella to be quiet. She squeezed Draco gently, her face ashen. They got to their feet as the Dark Lord entered. She kept her arm around Draco’s shoulders and they both bent their heads. She remained frozen as the Dark Lord lashed out at them for Lucius’ failures, Bella jeering at them the entire time. She froze as he gave Draco his assignment, telling them it was a chance for the Malfoy family to redeem themselves. She stood, helpless, as her boy was branded with the Dark Mark. She knew that this wasn’t a chance for redemption, this was a setup for failure. She set out for Spinner’s End once Draco was asleep, her sister beside her. She didn’t care if Bella reported her to the Dark Lord. She would flee the country with Draco if she did, make sure he was safe, then come back and break Lucius out. She was not letting Draco follow in Regulus’ footsteps. She relaxed slightly when Severus agreed to help, but her stomach was filled with more despair than ever when she watched the Hogwarts Express pull away from the platform.

Narcissa did not go into battle during the war. This was Lucius’ one rule he imposed on her and she had no problem following it. She was a brilliant witch but she did not have the same zest for dueling as her sister did. She had never been branded with the Mark. When Lord Voldemort summoned Lucius to Hogwarts, Narcissa grabbed his arm when he was about to apparate. He turned and looked down at her. Narcissa stared into her husband’s eyes. It was clear he did not want to go, he was fearful of retribution if he did not. She pressed her forehead to his.

“Draco.” She whispered. Her son was still at Hogwarts and Narcissa was sure this battle would be the final one. She would not let her son be a casualty. Lucius closed his eyes and slowly nodded, grasping her hands. They apparated like that, their foreheads pressed together and hands in a tight grip. She brushed their lips together briefly before pulling away. No one was paying them any attention. There were five minutes until Voldemort’s deadline of midnight and no sign that the defenders of Hogwarts were going to give up Potter. Narcissa looked around for Draco, not seeing him anywhere in the Death Eater ranks. Her heart sank. That meant he was still in the castle somewhere. The clock struck midnight and the battle began. Lucius and her stole the wands of two fallen Death Eaters as quickly as possible, since both of them were wandless. She tried to stay close to Lucius. She hadn’t voiced it but her plan was to find Draco, grab both of them, and get out of there. She fought against the defenders of Hogwarts, not once sending a killing curse. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. She dueled against Molly Weasley at one point, face to face with the woman she once despised for having what Narcissa could not. Narcissa could see her face though, sense the grief, and she knew then that one of the Weasley children had not made it through the night. She disarmed the woman and Molly stared at her, tears pouring down her face. At that moment, she felt a mutual understanding pass between them. She lowered her wand and stared for a moment more, then felt Lucius’ hand on her arm. They disapparated away, landing in a clearing in the forest. Lucius explained to her that the Dark Lord had summoned them away, his hand never leaving her arm. He seemed to sense that she wanted to return to the castle, to once and for all verify that Draco was alive. 

When the boy and the Dark Lord both collapsed to the ground, Bellatrix shrieked and fell down next to the Dark Lord. The rest of the Death Eaters dared not move, Narcissa’s hand gripping Lucius’ tightly. She watched as the Dark Lord pushed Bella away and got to his feet, asking if the boy was dead. She felt a curse hit her and shrieked slightly, her hand ripped from Lucius’. She trembled slightly as she stepped towards Harry, kneeling down. She could feel a pulse almost instantly. She hesitated. This was her one chance to know if Draco was alive or not. She leaned down, her hair shielding their faces.

“Is Draco alive? Is he in the castle?”

“Yes.”

Narcissa’s decision was made for her then and there. She could only get her son back as part of the Dark Lord’s conquering army. She stood up, turning to the Death Eaters.

“He is dead!” She cried, mustering as must joy as she could. The whoops and hollers that followed were deafening. She made eye contact with Lucius and he nodded almost imperceptibly, sending sparks into the air with his wand. She walked close to him as they walked back to Hogwarts, their fingers brushing every so often. She knew once Potter revealed himself to be alive, they would have little time to find Draco.

She scanned the defenders of Hogwarts as they stood outside the castle, her eyes finally landing on Draco. Relief flooded through her. He seemed determined to not catch her eye, standing among blood traitors and mudbloods as though it was normal. As she predicted, chaos reigned as the defenders of Hogwarts rose up for one last stand. She and Lucius ran through the castle, screaming for their son. They found him battling against Travers, confirming Narcissa’s suspicions. Draco had switched sides. He looked at them, then slowly raised his wand at them. His hands were shaking. Narcissa went to stand at his side, raising her wand and blasting Travers away with a flick. Lucius hesitated for a second longer, then turned his wand on Scabior. Their opponents were taken out and the Malfoys were pressed against the wall with the rest of the defenders of Hogwarts. Narcissa clutched Draco against her with one arm, the other wrapped around Lucius. She watched as Bellatrix sent a killing curse at Ginny Weasley and was unsurprised to see Molly Weasley run forward and start to duel. The two battles raged, Voldemort against his three opponents and Molly against Narcissa’s sister. Narcissa pressed her face into Lucius’ chest a second before Bellatrix was hit by Molly’s curse. She knew what was going to happen as soon as the duel started. Bellatrix had been a skilled witch but nothing could compare to a mother’s rage. She held onto what remained of her family as Harry and Voldemort circled each other, not really seeing the battle. She instead saw Sirius’ face as she read to him, his laughter as she did funny voices to go along with the book. She saw Andromeda making faces at her as they sat through endless etiquette lessons. She saw Regulus as he sat next to her at the Slytherin table, a wide smile on his face. She saw Bella before the madness had claimed her, back when she was the brightest witch in school and Father was so proud of her. She saw all the terrible things that had happened to her family, all because of senseless prejudice and violence. Most because of the terrible, power hungry man facing off against a boy Draco’s age. She watched with bated breath as they cast their curses, then let out a half sob, half cheer as Voldemort’s body hit the floor. It was over. They were alive.

Narcissa didn’t find out until two days after the battle ended that her niece had perished. She was up and moving before she could really think about it, apparating to the address she had memorized years ago. She had mostly followed her father’s orders. She had not contacted her sister. She had been unable to keep from reading her sister’s letters though. One of the first ones had contained an address. Narcissa stared at the modest home in front of her, then walked up and knocked on the front door. It was time to begin healing old wounds. Narcissa would not lie and say she had completely changed. She still shrunk away when she saw a mudb- Muggleborn and she still shuddered at the thought of her niece marrying a werewolf. But everyone had to take a first step. This was hers.

“Hello, Andromeda…”


End file.
